Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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