This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
