I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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