last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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