She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
