I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
