is your mom at the bar?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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