i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
