i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
