I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
