I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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