My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
