I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
