Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What a dumb baby whore.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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