just survived the first fart of the relationship.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
