it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
