i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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