i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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