I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
