How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
