i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
