Michael Bay diarrhea
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize