your parents love me but you hate me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
