i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
