He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize