I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
