I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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