Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
