It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
