Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
