last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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