She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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