In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize