A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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