Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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