Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize