OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
