I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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