My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
