everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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