The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize