i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
