Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
