i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
