Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize