I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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