Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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