i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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