Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
