I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
