I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize