Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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