Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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