I want to walk on stilts...naked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize