there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
