With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
