I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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