first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
