theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
