HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
