If i come over, it means nothing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
