How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
