it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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