and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
