I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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