hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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