that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
